Model Student II
by Christine M. Greenleaf
Summary: The sequel to my story "Model Student" where, thanks to the ingenuity of Jervis Tetch, Jonathan Crane gets to see what his world would be like if the Joker had never existed. Thanks to MissHQuinn for the suggestion!
1. Chapter 1

**Model Student II**

"To break one leg may be regarded as a misfortune; to break both looks like carelessness," said Jervis Tetch dryly, as he bent to write on one of the casts which encased Jonathan Crane's legs.

"Very droll, Jervis," replied Crane. "But it wasn't carelessness – it was a certain bully in a Bat costume. The man's ethics are troubled by killing, but not by potentially paralyzing someone by knocking him out of a third-storey window in order to foil his escape. Still, I suppose it could have been worse. I could have landed on my head."

"One could argue that it was careless of you to let Batman find you," retorted Tetch.

"I imagine I could take as much care as I like – the result would still be fairly inevitable," sighed Crane. "Otherwise none of us would be in here."

"True," agreed Tetch, straightening up and handing him back the pen. "I've written _Hope your feet will walk the way you want to go soon. Be sure to give them a new pair of boots every Christmas. _That's paraphrasing from Chapter 2 – The Pool of Tears, when Alice grows so enormous that she can no longer see her feet, which you can certainly relate to at this point in time. Anyway, it's good to have you back in Arkham, Jonathan, even though you're in pain."

"Oh, the pain's not the issue," replied Crane. "I'm used to pain. It's the one friend who's followed me throughout my life. The annoying thing is the lack of movement. I shouldn't mind normally – I usually just stay in my cell and read anyway. But choosing to be stationary is one thing; being forced to be stationary is another matter entirely. Plus I've read every book in this institution three times already. I'm afraid I shall be terribly bored."

"Well, I shall try to think up some way to keep you entertained," replied Tetch. "And I'm sure you'll have other visitors."

Crane looked at him. "Who?" he asked. "Who else incarcerated in here is likely to care in particular about my wellbeing?"

"Hi, Johnny, how ya feeling?" asked Harley Quinn, entering the cell at that moment and smiling tenderly at him.

"Oh…Harley," stammered Crane, surprised and pleased. "I'm feeling…much better now, actually."

"Hey, ain't that great to hear?" said another voice, and Crane's face immediately fell when the Joker followed Harley into the cell, beaming his usual, mocking grin. "Got a double whammy from the Bat, I see! Well, don't you worry, Professor - he's broken both my legs lotsa times, and I ain't permanently disabled yet! At least, not physically anyway!" he chuckled. "Must be something in the Gotham water that makes your body super-strong. I'm sure you'll be up and at 'em in no time, Craney!" he said, patting Crane's cast hard.

Crane hissed in pain and shoved him away. "Yes, thank you for visiting, Joker, I appreciate the thought, but you may go now," he snapped.

"Oh, may I?" asked Joker, smiling. "Thanks for your permission, Johnny, God knows I wouldn't do anything without it. But you're right, you need rest and peace and quiet, so Harley and I will beat it. C'mon, pooh, let's go next door and have a little playtime. It's been too long since I've revved my Harley's engine, and I wanna hear her vroom nice and loud."

"Oh, puddin'," breathed Harley, gazing at Joker adoringly. "You're such a bad boy."

She kissed him tenderly and Crane's jaw tightened in envy and anger. "Just gonna sign Johnny's cast first," Harley said, taking the pen from Tetch.

"Oh yeah, me too," said Joker, grabbing it from her when she was done.

Crane hissed again. "Would you not press that hard into my broken leg?" he demanded. "What the hell are you writing anyway?"

"I ain't writing – I'm drawing," retorted Joker. "I'm an artist, y'see, Johnny."

He straightened up and drew away at last, to reveal a drawing right on Crane's thigh, which he couldn't help seeing whenever he looked down. It was a crude sketch of Joker and Harley kissing, with writing underneath: _Nice guys finish last, Johnny. Or that's what she said anyway! HA HA HA! – J _

Crane glared at him. "How nice. A joke. Thank you, J - that's very thoughtful."

"Yep. Sweet, thoughtful, and selfless, that's me," sighed Joker, smiling. "That's why Harley loves me, huh, baby?"

"Uh huh, Mr. J," she whispered, kissing him again. "Now about that playtime…"

Joker chuckled, taking her hand. "See you later, Johnny!" he called, knocking hard against his cast as he left the cell.

Harley pulled away gently and came back over to Crane, bending down and kissing his cheek. "Get well soon, Johnny," she whispered, smiling sweetly at him. Then she raced after Joker.

"I loathe him," muttered Crane, looking down at the sketch again. His eyes shifted to Harley's message: _You're the best, Johnny – don't let the Bat get you down! Feel better soon! Lots of love, Harley. _

"But suddenly the pain doesn't seem so bad," he sighed, touching her name.

At that moment, a series of loud, pleasurable shrieks came from next door. "Oh, puddin'! Yes, yes, yes! Oh, harder, Mr. J! Oh yes! Oh, puddin', you're a god!"

"And suddenly it's back again," muttered Crane.

Tetch looked at him, and then disappeared from the cell, returning a moment later with a top hat in his hands. "I wonder if this mightn't be the perfect distraction," he said, holding it out to him.

"What is it?" asked Crane, puzzled.

"It's an alternate reality simulator," explained Tetch. "I designed it several months ago, but the Joker broke both prototypes. Fortunately I had my notes and was able to rebuild, as well as improve it. It will trap the mind for a time in an alternate reality of your own choosing, which seems as real and as genuine as our current reality. And after that story you told me a few weeks ago about Harley being your student and you being in love with her without declaring yourself, I was wondering if you'd like to see how things would have turned out if the Joker had never turned up. If the Joker, for example, never existed."

Crane stared at him. "You could do that?" he asked.

"Oh yes. Nothing easier than implanting the mind with a simple mental suggestion such as that," said Tetch, shrugging. "I've had a few trial runs already on Joker and Batman, both of which were incredibly effective. Sadly I didn't trap either of them in unreality forever, and I've designed a failsafe to prevent that in this prototype. You see here," he said, pulling down the hatband to reveal a series of screens and panels. "The person in this reality, in this case myself, can monitor how long the person in unreality, in this case you, has been in the alternate world, and can return him to this reality at any point just by pressing a series of buttons. If you like, I can give you twenty-four hours in that reality, just to see what it's like, and if you enjoy it, I can return you there. It will hopefully be a pleasant way to pass the time while you're laid up, and it will allow you to escape from the noise in the neighboring room," he said, indicating Harley's shrieks of delight.

"Yes, it sounds ideal," said Crane, nodding. "Very well, Jervis. Let's test it out."

"All right. Let's let you see what your world would be like without the Joker in it."

"Obviously a much better place," muttered Crane as Tetch placed the hat on his head.

"You're about to find out," said Tetch. He pressed a few buttons on the hat, and Crane lost consciousness.

He awoke to find himself in bed, with morning sunlight streaming through the curtains. He blinked and looked around the room – this had indeed been his apartment once, before he had gone insane, but nothing seemed different about it.

Then there was a sigh, and suddenly the shape next to him rolled over in bed, cuddling him gently. "Morning, Johnny," whispered a familiar voice, and Crane looked down to see Harley Quinn embracing him tenderly, beaming in happiness.

"H…Harley?" he stammered.

"Mmm?" she asked, her big, blue eyes gazing up at him sleepily and adoringly.

"What…why…how…what are you doing here?" he stammered.

Harley grinned. "Where else should I be in the morning but in bed with my husband?" she murmured, bringing her lips to his and kissing him tenderly.

Crane was too stunned to respond to the kiss. "H…husband?" he stammered at last, when she drew away.

"Mmm, don't tell me you ain't used to it yet?" she murmured, grinning. "I've been Mrs. Johnny Crane for three months now. And I've loved every second of it," she breathed, kissing him again.

Crane was utterly astounded, but managed to return the kiss this time, not caring if this was a dream. It felt completely real – the taste of her warm, tender lips against his own was more heavenly than he could ever have imagined. He drew his arms about her gently, and then pressed her hard against him, desperate not to lose her.

"Oh, Johnny," she whispered, drawing away at last and grinning. "You're always so eager in the mornings. One of these days I should refuse you, but I'm too crazy about you to ever do that."

She sat up, pulling the covers off, revealing that she wore nothing but a short, thin red nightie laced with black. Crane couldn't help staring as his face flushed scarlet.

She grinned. "And one of these days you'll get used to seeing your wife in revealing clothing and stop blushing. Though I hope not – it's too cute," she whispered, kissing him again.

"Harley…" stammered Crane, as she reached up, smiling, and gently pulled down the straps of her nightie.

"Hmm?" she asked, cocking her head to one side as the garment slipped slowly off, revealing her exquisite figure in all its glory.

"…nothing," gasped Crane, as she climbed on top of him, enveloping his mouth in a kiss and pressing him down on the bed.


	2. Chapter 2

"Would you mind fulfilling what will probably seem a rather strange request, my dear?" murmured Crane, as Harley lay in his arms afterward, beaming happily. His fingers were entwined in her golden hair, softly stroking it, and he kissed the top of her head tenderly, breathing in the scent of her and savoring the idea that, in this reality at least, this precious creature was his wife.

"Anything for you, baby, you know that," she murmured, smiling at him.

"I was wondering if you could tell me…about our courtship," he said slowly. "Tell me how I was so fortunate as to end up married to the angel in my arms."

"Why?" asked Harley, puzzled.

"Because I'd like to remember," he murmured. "And I'd like to hear the story in your own words."

Harley grinned. "You're crazy, Johnny, you know that?" she said. "Guess that's why I love you," she added, kissing him and snuggling into his embrace. "Ok, well, you were my psychology teacher at Gotham University. We were always close from the day we first met – we had similar interests and a helluva lot in common. But I wasn't that interested in a relationship with anyone, and you were too much of a gentleman to ever get involved with one of your students like that. And so for a long time we were just…real good friends. Which I've always believed is the best way to start a romantic relationship. Anyway, one day I was really upset because I'd failed my chemistry exam. It seems silly now to be that distraught over something so trivial, but back then it seemed like a huge deal. I had never failed anything in my life. And I had come to see you and I was sobbing, and you were so sweet and gentle and compassionate, and you made me feel that everything was going to be all right. And you were so nice and kind that I just couldn't help it, and I…kissed you. And then you blurted out that you loved me, and after that it was…well, just kinda natural. We dated for about six months before you proposed to me – you told me you would have proposed after the first date, but you didn't want to come across as too needy. Which was cute. But I would have said yes even after the first date. Anyway, I said yes then, and we had a nice, quiet ceremony in front of a justice of the peace, and we went on our honeymoon to Niagara Falls. And if you want me to remind you of that, I'd rather demonstrate it than tell you about it," she murmured, kissing him slowly.

"And…do you still work at Arkham Asylum?" asked Crane.

"Well yeah, why wouldn't I?" asked Harley, puzzled. "I hope I haven't complained about my job too much that you think I don't enjoy it. There are a lot of interesting characters in Arkham. Two-Face, Poison Ivy, the Riddler, the Mad Hatter…"

Crane waited expectantly, and then cleared his throat. "What about the…um…Joker?"

Harley looked even more confused. "Joker?" she repeated. "Who's that?"

"Oh…sorry, my dear, I might have dreamed that one," said Crane, slowly. "There are so many of them, you know, but there's no inmate there who…resembles a clown?"

"Clown?" said Harley. "Well, I guess the Riddler looks kinda silly with his green suit and question marks and everything but…no, no clown, sweetie. Weird thing to dream about," she added, grinning.

"Oh yes, it was fairly hellish," agreed Crane. "But the nightmare's over now," he murmured, gazing at her. "And this reality is…truly wonderful," he breathed, bringing his mouth down and kissing her tenderly.

"I got work today, Johnny," she murmured, drawing away from him. She glanced at the clock and grinned. "You got twenty minutes," she said, pulling him down on top of her.

"You better get off to work soon too, baby," said Harley as she got dressed twenty minutes later. "You got your lecture on the collective unconscious to give to the psychology postgrads today, doncha?"

"Do I?" asked Crane, surprised. "I'm still…at the University?"

"Well, unless they fired you and you didn't tell me," retorted Harley. "But I think you know better than to keep secrets from me. Anyway, you read the lecture to me last night, so I assume it's still on. And it's a pretty good lecture too, so I hope for the students' sake that it is," she added, grinning.

"Oh…yes?" asked Crane. "Any idea where I put the notes for the lecture, my dear?"

"I think they're in your briefcase," replied Harley. "But I'm not sure."

He shrugged. "Well, if I can't improvise a lecture on the collective unconscious, I certainly don't deserve to have a degree in psychology."

"And neither do I, as you were my teacher," agreed Harley. "Which I guess means I can't go to work as I ain't an accredited psychiatrist, so I ain't certified to cure the loonies. Which I guess means I'll have to stay in bed all day with my husband." She sighed. "Wishful thinking, sadly."

She bent over and kissed him again. "I'll see you tonight, baby," she murmured. "Bye."

"Goodbye," he whispered as she headed for the door. "Harley!" he called suddenly.

She turned. "I love you," he murmured.

She beamed. "I love you too, Johnny," she whispered.

She kissed him once more and left.

Crane lay back on the pillows, slowly processing all the information he had to hand. He and Harley were recently married. She was still a psychiatrist at Arkham, and he was still a Professor at the University. They were obviously very happy together. And the Joker did not exist.

"Oh, who knew that the absence of one man could bring so much happiness?" he cried joyfully, leaping out of bed and beaming. "Joker, the greatest joke you ever pulled was not being born! You will never know how happy your non-existence has made everyone involved in your life! I daresay even Batman might be smiling!"

He grinned. "Batman, who can have no cause to hurt either me or Harley, being the sane, respectable citizens that we are. Batman, who can go around beating all those other lunatics into a pulp, but who is on our side now. Or rather, I suppose we're on his side, technically. Oh, it doesn't matter! The fact remains that Harley and I are married and happy. Without the monster, we can both be happy now."

Crane had never been a particularly cheerful individual, even when he had been sane. It was a surprise to all of his coworkers then when he appeared at the University in high spirits, whistling. His lecture was more enthusiastic than any he had given before. And after the lecture was over, he was even more cheerful after receiving a phone call from Harley asking how it went. She was analyzing the Mad Hatter today.

"Good old Jervis!" exclaimed Crane after he hung up the phone. "When I return to real reality, I must find someway to repay him. This reality is absolutely wonderful. I wonder if there is any way I would be able to exist in it permanently."

The idea was beyond tempting, and he spent the rest of workday imagining how fantastic it would be if such a thing were possible. This life was all he had ever wanted – a fairly enjoyable career, but much more importantly, a wife he absolutely adored, and who absolutely adored him.

"I mustn't tell Harley about this when I get back to real reality," he said to himself. "It would break the poor child's heart to know that she and the Joker are not soulmates after all. To know that if he didn't exist, she could very easily be happy with someone else. It just goes to show that there is no such thing as fate, and that destiny can be changed by merely changing a single variable. In that way, I suppose life is very much like a science experiment. And for the first time in my life, I appear to be successful at it."

Harley arrived home shortly before he did, and was waiting with a cup of tea and a kiss. Crane made dinner, and while they ate, they discussed topics of all varieties. Harley was such an intelligent woman, but she never got to demonstrate that when she was involved with the Joker. The man was a philistine himself, and insisted that Harley be one too, so as not to show up his own ignorance. Or at least that was Crane's reading of the situation.

After dinner, they went to bed to read. Well, reading was the intention, but Harley didn't seem to be able to concentrate on her book, and for the first time in his life, Crane seemed a little distracted from his. He looked at Harley, who gazed back at him, and suddenly threw her book over her shoulder and her arms around his neck, dragging him down to her. The feel of her mouth and body against his was utterly intoxicating, and then…

Crane woke up to Tetch shaking him. "Jonathan? Can you hear me?"

"Put me back this instant!" shouted Crane, angrily. "It's not been twenty-four hours!"

"No, but it is dinner time," replied Tetch.

"Do you think I give a damn what time it is here?" demanded Crane. "Do you think I have the slightest inclination to return to this hellish existence now that I have tasted paradise?"

"It was an enjoyable experience, then?" asked Tetch.

"Enjoyable?!" repeated Crane. "Enjoyable is a gross understatement, Jervis! Without the Joker to get in the way and ruin everything as only he can, Harley and I are married! And we're deliriously happy! And I just experienced the best day of my life, and you cut it short to inform me that dinner is ready?! The food here is not worth paying for, let alone making me leave heaven for! I'd rather starve!"

"It's…probably not healthy to use the simulator for too long…" began Tetch, but Crane suddenly seized him by the collar and dragged him toward him.

"Put me back now!" he shouted.

"I…I can't, Jonathan, not to the exact same moment!" cried Tetch. "I haven't figured out how to precisely manipulate the time frame yet…"

Crane growled in annoyance and dropped him to the ground. "Forgive me, Jonathan, I was only trying to be considerate…" murmured Tetch, straightening up slowly.

Crane drew in a deep breath. "No…please, forgive me, Jervis," he murmured. "You are the man who has allowed me to taste paradise, and I should not repay that kindness with bad temper and threats. It's just…imagine, if you can, you and Alice married and happy – how wonderful that would be. And then imagine having to awaken from that bliss."

"I have, many times," replied Tetch. "In my dreams."

"But this wasn't a dream," murmured Crane. "It was real. It was all real."

He thought for a long time. "Jervis…is there any way that you know of to…confine me to that reality…permanently?"

Tetch looked at him. "You would have to cease to exist in this reality permanently," he murmured. "Your mind would have to be forever trapped in that alternate reality. You would have to, essentially, die here."

"It would be worth it, to live there," replied Crane. "What do I have here, after all? A series of shattered hopes and disappointments, and two shattered legs," he said, nodding down. "A future that looks just as bleak as my past. While there…we'd only been married three months, Jervis – we might easily have children yet. There's a whole potential future of joy and happiness to look forward to."

Tetch was silent. "Well, from a purely selfish point of view, Jonathan, I would permanently lose the only friend I ever had," he murmured. "Of course I would completely understand your choice, and if I had the possibility of a future with Alice, I would sacrifice everything for that. But I can't deny that I would miss you very much if you went to stay in a different reality forever."

Crane smiled. "Thank you, Jervis, that's very touching," he murmured. "But you would understand if I…chose to do that?"

"I would understand," agreed Tetch, nodding. "And I would try to be happy for you. That's what any friend would do."

He lay his hand on his shoulder. "You will have to consider this decision very carefully," he murmured.

"Yes," agreed Crane. He looked at him. "Send me back at some point in the future to where I was. And let me try to consider the situation rationally, once I'm there. Leave me there for as long as possible – time is not equal in these realities, is it?"

"No," said Tetch. "Days, weeks, and months may pass in the alternate reality in the space of a few hours here."

"Then leave me there several days," murmured Crane. "Let me actually live in that reality for a substantial period of time. And then bring me back here, and I will give you my decision."

Tetch nodded. "For your own sake, I hope you are entirely happy there," he murmured. "And for my own sake, I hope you are not. I daresay that's nonsense."

"No," murmured Crane. "I daresay it is entirely relatable."


	3. Chapter 3

Crane awoke in the alternate reality in utter bliss to feel Harley's small, warm body pressed against his as she breathed softly in sleep. His arms tightened about her and she sighed, smiling and cuddling against him. He planted a kiss on her forehead and she opened her eyes. "What is it, Johnny?" she murmured.

"Nothing," he whispered, kissing her tenderly. "Go back to sleep, my angel."

She shut her eyes again, snuggling into his embrace. "Harley?" he murmured.

"Mmm?" she sighed.

"Do you want to…have children?" he asked, slowly.

She opened her eyes again. "What, now?" she asked, grinning. "No, now I just kinda wanna go to sleep."

"Not now," he replied, smiling. "But at some point in the future?"

"Yeah, course I do," she murmured. "Nothing I'd like better than a little Johnny Junior. We could call him J.J. for short, and if we had a girl I've always liked the name Arleen…"

"You would really have…my children?" asked Crane quietly.

"Well, yeah, of course, Johnny," replied Harley. "You're my husband. Why does that seem weird to you?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I can't imagine I have the best traits to pass on to my offspring, at least not physically. I imagine they'll be terribly skinny."

"Yeah, they'll get that from both of us," agreed Harley, smiling. "But you ain't physically unimpressive, Johnny, at least, not where it counts," she murmured, kissing him. "And there are more important things you'll pass onto our kids anyway. Things they'll learn just by watching you. How to be sweet and gentle and loving and kind, and the most caring husband any woman could ask for. And I know you'll love them just as much as you love me, and you'll show them just as much as you show me. And that's what counts, Johnny. That's what makes a good man. Not his body, but his heart. And you are a good man, Johnny Crane. And I love you so much."

She kissed him deeply and then lay down again, entwined in his arms. "I love you too, Harley," he whispered. She beamed and sighed happily, and Crane watched her as she slowly sank back into a peaceful slumber. "And I'm going to stay with you forever," he murmured, stroking her hair back from her face gently. "Nothing can make me leave you now, not ever again. Nothing in this reality or any other," he said, shutting his eyes.

He awoke a few hours later because he heard a noise coming from the living room. He got up slowly, taking care not to wake Harley, who was still sleeping soundly, and then made his way down the hall. The noise continued – it sounded to him like someone was creeping around the room. As he approached the door, he could definitely hear breathing on the other side. Reaching for his umbrella by the front door, he took a deep breath and then threw open the door, instantly flicking on the overhead lights.

There was a man inside, clearly a burglar, who dropped the vase he had been examining with a crash as the lights came on, whirling around to face Crane. And Crane's jaw dropped in horror.

"No," he gasped. "No, no, no, not you! It's impossible! Impossible!"

The man, who had pulled out his gun and was now aiming it at Crane, was wearing a regular, dark suit and tie, and a fedora over his dark hair. His face was grim and unsmiling, and not exceptionally pale, but despite all that, he was still, unquestionably, the Joker. There was no mistaking him, even without his clown features. And the terrible realization was confirmed when he suddenly spoke, in the Joker's voice, "I wouldn't move if I were you, pal."

"No," stammered Crane, horrified. "No, no, no, it can't be you! You can't be here! You've been erased from existence!"

The man stared at Crane oddly. "Er…sorry?" he said.

And suddenly Crane's horror turned to blind rage. "I will not allow you to come into our lives and ruin everything!" he shouted. "I suppose you think this is terribly funny, don't you?! A Joker in the deck causing chaos?! That's just your kind of joke, isn't it?!"

"You crazy or something, buddy?" demanded the man.

"I've been prevented from going crazy for the moment, but I will be, if you don't leave at once!" Crane shouted. "What is it you want here? Money, valuables? Just take whatever you want and go! Here, I'll help you," he said, seizing the bag by the man's feet and shoving antiques into it. "Most of these are early-Victorian – should fetch a nice price on the collector's market! Take it all and get out of here!"

"Wow…uh…thanks," said the man as Crane shoved the bag at him. He still stared at him oddly. "No offense, buddy, but I think you should probably see a shrink or something."

"Thank you, but I'm married to one," snapped Crane. "And I intend to remain so without any nasty surprises getting in the way, so for the last time, leave!"

"No problem, sport," said the man, heading for the open window. "Gotta say, this is the easiest job I ever pulled. Never met a guy who wanted to help a burglar steal his stuff – quite the joke, really!" he chuckled, and Crane recognized the Joker's mocking tone. "Quite the jo…"

As he started to climb out the window, Harley suddenly rushed past Crane and struck the man on the back of the head with a hammer. "Son of a…!" shouted the man, whirling around and backhanding Harley, knocking her to the ground. Crane immediately rushed to help her up, but more importantly, to drag her away before she saw…

But it was too late. Harley looked up with teary eyes at the man who had struck her, just as he looked down and met her wide, blue ones. And Crane saw the instant attraction in their gazes, as Harley's expression of fury changed to one of awe and fascination. The man stared down at her, his jaw open slightly in surprise and the same awe and fascination in his own eyes. Then he dropped the bag of loot and bent down, reaching Harley before Crane did and helping her to her feet.

"Sorry…toots," he stammered. "Didn't mean to…hit you there. Just a natural reaction when somebody hits me…you ok?"

"Uh huh," she murmured, studying him. "I mean…yeah…I mean…"

Then her anger returned. "I mean, what the hell do you think you're doing trying to steal our stuff, you jerk?!"

"Hey, that was the original plan, but it turns out this nutcase would rather give it away to me!" shouted the man, throwing a finger at Crane.

"That nutcase, as you put it, is my husband!" snapped Harley. "And he ain't a nutcase! I'm a shrink – I know a nutcase when I see one, and it ain't Johnny! It's the man I'm looking at right now!"

"Your…husband?" stammered the man, taken aback.

"Yeah," murmured Harley. "Yeah, that's right."

"Oh," he said, softly. "I see."

He looked at her tenderly, and then his temper returned. "Well, he is a nutcase, toots, you don't need to be a shrink to see that! Why else would he give me all this crap, huh?"

"Because he's a smart guy, that's why!" snapped Harley. "He tricked you into thinking he was gonna help you, and distracted you, and gave me enough time to call the police. They should be here any minute."

At that moment, a knock sounded on the door. "That'll be them," said Harley, smiling smugly.

The man looked absolutely furious. Then he suddenly seized Harley around the throat, pulling out his gun and putting it to her head. "Not funny, toots," he hissed into her face. "Not funny at all."

"Jack, put down the gun!" demanded Commissioner Gordon, whom Crane had let in. "Don't add another count of murder to your record!"

The man glared from Gordon back to Harley, who just looked up at him with her wide, blue eyes. The man's finger tightened on the trigger – he pressed the barrel of the gun harder against Harley's temple as he stared at her. Almost involuntarily, his face slowly dropped down closer to hers, her mouth seeming to draw him in. Crane's heart broke as he saw Harley shut her eyes and put her lips up for his kiss as their faces neared…

Then he suddenly dropped the gun, and in a second the police were on him, shoving his arms behind his back and handcuffing him. "We meet again, Jack Napier," said Gordon, approaching him with narrowed eyes.

Jack grinned. "Yeah, you know me, Commissioner – I'm like a bad penny! I always turn up when least expected!"

"And completely unwanted," agreed Gordon, nodding. "But at least no one was hurt this time. You must be losing your edge, Jack, which is a relief to the decent people of this city. You were very brave, Mrs. Crane," he said, turning to Harley. "This man has killed more people than you've had hot meals. He's a dangerous criminal. You have the gratitude of the entire GCPD for putting him back in prison where he belongs."

"Oh…no problem, Commissioner," murmured Harley, staring at Jack. "I just did what anyone would have done in my place." She shook her head suddenly and turned to Crane, taking his hand and smiling. "Anyway, it was Johnny who had the bright idea of distracting him by pretending to help him. He's the one you really should thank."

"Mr. Crane," said Gordon, nodding.

"Professor Crane," corrected Crane, trying to ignore the look Jack was giving his wife. Crane embraced Harley tenderly, and felt Jack's eyes focus on him, murderously.

"Get him out of here," snapped Gordon, gesturing to the officers who restrained Jack.

"See you later, toots!" Jack called, winking at Harley as they dragged him out of the room. Crane heard the Joker's mocking laughter echoing down the hall.

"Thank you both again for your help in his capture," said Gordon. "We'll be in touch."

He shook hands with them both and left them alone, shutting the front door. "Are you all right, my love?" asked Crane, looking down at Harley. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"No," murmured Harley. "No, he didn't, Johnny."

"Let me see your face," he murmured, tilting her chin up.

"It's fine, Johnny, really," she said, pushing him gently away. "Don't fuss."

"I don't think it's fussy to try to look after my wife when she's been struck and threatened by a violent criminal…" began Crane.

"I don't wanna talk about it, Johnny," she interrupted. "I don't wanna…remember it." She shut her eyes tightly. "Can we just…go to bed?" she murmured. "I'm sure everything will be all right in the morning."

"Of course, my dear," he murmured.

But he had a horrible feeling, as he held her tightly throughout the ensuing sleepless hours, that things would not be all right in the morning. Or ever again.


	4. Chapter 4

"How was work, my dear?" asked Crane several days later as Harley returned home, placing her briefcase down on the coffee table.

"Fine," she said simply.

"You…um…stayed late," he commented.

"Yeah. Lotta work to do, Johnny," she replied.

"I'm sure there is," he agreed. "But I can't deny that I miss you, my love."

She smiled at him. "I miss you too, Johnny," she whispered, kissing him tenderly. "Do you think I'm staying late because I'm trying to avoid you?"

Crane _had_ been thinking that, but he forced a smile. "My dear, don't be silly," he murmured. "I am not a paranoid man."

He held out his arms and she snuggled contentedly into his lap. "You just seem a little…distant of late," he murmured, kissing her forehead.

"I'm just tired, Johnny," she murmured. "And I got a lot on my mind."

"Like what?" he asked. "Surely you can confide in your husband."

"I can't, actually," she replied, grinning. "Doctor-patient confidentiality doesn't let me share my information with anyone, even my husband. This ain't something you can help me with."

She kissed him. "But you can be here for me," she murmured, taking his hand. "And be the sweet, caring, wonderful man you've always been. That will help me more than anything else."

"I only wish I could be more," he murmured.

She beamed, kissed him again, and stood up. "I'm just gonna get a shower, Johnny," she murmured. "Try not to miss me too much," she added, grinning.

"I shall try, but I can't guarantee I'll succeed," he replied, smiling at her until she left. The moment the bathroom door shut, his smile dropped, and he seized the briefcase she had left on the coffee table.

"So…what patients are these, my dear, that are keeping you from me?" he muttered, opening her notebook and leafing through some sheets. "Pamela Isley…I don't know why you try, Harley, she's clearly incurable. Jervis Tetch…he isn't mad, he's just in love, everyone knows that. Edward Nygma…well, yes, he_ is_ mad, and likewise incurable…"

He turned the page to see a new sheet, with the words _Notes From Blackgate Sessions _written on the header. His eyes narrowed in confusion. "Blackgate?" he repeated. "Whatever was she doing in a prison? And who…"

But his worst fears were realized when he saw the name written under the heading: _Jack Napier, Session 1._

"No," he gasped. "No, it can't be. She can't be analyzing him – surely that's a job for the prison psychiatrist. Jack is not the Joker, he's not insane, he's not confined in Arkham, there was no way they could have met the way Joker and Harley did, so why…why is it happening all over again?!" he demanded, throwing the notebook across the room. "I don't believe in fate!" he snapped. "I'm a rational man, and there is no such thing! Nothing is set in stone, and all things can be changed with action! I am not going to doom both Harley and me to the same unhappy, unfulfilling destinies we have in reality! I believe in free will, which can conquer all things, even the Joker!"

"Johnny? What're you yelling about?" asked Harley, emerging from the bathroom in a towel. She noticed her notebook thrown across the room and looked from it to him in surprise. "You been reading my notes?" she asked, bending down to pick it up "That's kinda illegal, y'know, baby."

"Harley, why didn't you tell me you were analyzing Jack Napier?" demanded Crane.

Harley's face flushed. "Didn't think it was important," she replied, shrugging, and she placed her notebook back into her bag.

"You didn't think it was important to tell me that you were trying to treat the man who broke into our home, who hit you and threatened you…"

"He's apologized for that," interrupted Harley. "Several times."

"Why are you seeing him?" demanded Crane. "Isn't there a prison psychiatrist?"

"Yeah, and he's obviously done a crap job, because he keeps repeating his criminal behavior," retorted Harley. "I asked to treat him."

"Why?"

Harley looked down at the floor. "I…I dunno," she murmured. "I just got a feeling I can…help him. Like I've got some kinda influence over him or something. He just seems…so familiar to me. Like I know him, but I don't know him, but I feel like I do…I can't explain it, Johnny."

"My dear, listen to me," he muttered, taking her hands. "I know what you think you feel, but that is all delusion and nonsense. Trust me, I…understand these things more than you. And I promise you, nothing good can come of you seeing Jack Napier. You cannot help him. He cannot be cured. He is an evil man, he always has been and he always will be."

Harley looked surprised. "Johnny…I didn't expect that from you. You know we don't believe that people are evil, not deep down, they're only misguided. And I've never given up on someone as incurable…"

"You should with this one," interrupted Crane. "Clearly there's no hope for him – he's been in and out of prison all of his life. He knows no other life but the criminal one, and he clearly wants no other life but that."

"Didn't you read my notes, Johnny?" asked Harley. "All that stuff he told me about why he is the way he is? He's had a terrible past – abusive father, absent mother. He's a sick man, Johnny, a victim…"

"No, he is not!" shouted Crane, suddenly furious. "He's a monster and liar! Do not even begin to feel sympathy for him! Once you start down that road, you'll never turn back! The monster will spew whatever poison he likes, and you'll swallow it, until you become as mad and as twisted as he is!"

Harley stared at him, shocked. "Why are you acting like this?" she whispered. "My Johnny Crane would never be so heartless towards a patient, towards a poor man who needs help…"

"Harley, I forbid you to see him again!" snapped Crane.

"You…forbid me?" she repeated, stunned. Then she grew angry. "Who the hell do you think you are, Johnny?! You can't forbid me from doing what I wanna! And I don't care how much you and the world are against him – I'm gonna help Jack Napier! So just get used to the idea!"

"Harley, please!" he cried, seizing her arm as she was about to storm off. "I…I apologize for shouting," he murmured. "I apologize for everything I said, I just…I'm frightened, my love."

"Of what?" she asked.

"Of losing you," he whispered. "I've…never been so happy as I am married to you. I can't bear the idea of losing that happiness and…being alone again. Not now, not once I've had a taste of paradise," he murmured, pulling off her towel.

Harley pulled it back on, glaring at him coldly. "You don't trust me, Johnny, is that it?" she murmured.

"I…think you might not be able to…entirely help yourself," he murmured. "That some inescapable destiny is drawing you and Jack Napier together, but…I can't bear to see it happen, Harley. Not again."

"What are you talking about?" she demanded. "You're a man of science, Johnny, a rational man, and you don't believe in destiny. People make their own choices."

"Yes," agreed Crane. "Yes, and that's what makes it so terrible. I'm afraid…people never change, my love. I'm afraid your choice will be, as it has always been…him."

Harley just looked at him. "I'm going to bed, Johnny," she murmured. "You can sleep on the sofa until you learn not to talk nonsense about your wife."

She stormed from the room, slamming the door. Crane stared after her and then sighed heavily, laying down on the sofa and shutting his eyes. "It's not nonsense," he muttered. Then he opened his eyes. "But if it were, I know just the man to see."


	5. Chapter 5

"As rational, thinking men of science, I think we can both agree that there's no such thing as fate. But Harley seems to be irresistably drawn towards Jack Napier, almost as if they're fated to be together. Well, I suppose fate is meant to be cruel, isn't it?"

"I…suppose," said Jervis Tetch, sitting on the other side of the bars in his cell and gazing at Crane curiously. "Um…I'm sorry, may I ask who you are? Have we met? Why are telling me all this?"

"I'm Harley's husband," said Crane. "Professor Jonathan Crane. I've read _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_."

"Oh…I see," said Tetch slowly. Crane was betting on the fact that, because he had read Tetch's favorite book, he would immediately be his best friend. And he was right. "Well, I certainly don't know how you expect me to help, Jonathan," he said. "I could speak to Harley, but I doubt she would listen to me, as I'm considered slightly mad, you know."

"Well, what would you do in my place?" asked Crane.

"I was in your place," retorted Tetch. "The girl I love had fallen in love with someone else, a man utterly unworthy of her. So I tried to kill him, and now I'm locked in here. But it was hardly madness that drove me to it. I was doing it for her. She would never have been happy with him, you understand. I couldn't claim to love her and then just stand by and do nothing."

"You're suggesting I kill Jack Napier?" asked Crane.

"Only if other, rational methods fail," replied Tetch. "As a last resort. Otherwise it would be terribly rude."

"I suppose it can't hurt anything," sighed Crane. "I won't be here much longer anyway, so it's certainly worth attempting a controlled experiment, just to see if it makes a difference."

"Are you going somewhere?" asked Tetch.

"Oh, perhaps I should explain," said Crane. "I'm visiting from a different reality. This world is all in my head, something you created, as a matter of fact, to pass the time while I'm laid up with broken legs."

"Really? How fascinating," said Tetch. "So like Alice in _Through the Looking Glass_, we are all only creatures in the Red King's dream, who will go out – bang! – just like a candle once he awakens?"

"I…suppose so, yes," replied Crane, slowly.

"Splendid," said Tetch, smiling. "That means Alice must be around here somewhere. I shall endeavor to go find her so she's not late – that would also be terribly rude."

"Johnny, what are you doing here?" asked Harley, entering the cell block at that moment and starting in surprise when she saw Crane.

"Just visiting Jervis, my dear," said Crane, standing up and coming over to kiss her.

"Oh. I didn't realize you knew Jervis," said Harley, surprised.

"It's odd how you can know people and not know people, isn't it, my love?" he asked, lightly. "Probably a lot like you and Mr. Napier. Speaking of which, shouldn't you be at Blackgate?"

"No," replied Harley, quietly. "No, I don't have any reason to be there anymore."

Crane stared at her. "My dear, you mean you've…done what I asked and stopped seeing him?"

"Yeah," she replied, staring at the floor. "But before you start thanking me, you should know it wasn't my doing." She looked up at him. "Mr. Napier has escaped."

"Escaped?" repeated Crane, surprised. Then he grew annoyed. "For the love of God, why can't any institution in this city keep its inmates safely locked up?! No wonder it needs Batman! It's not the fact that it's more crime-ridden than any other place in the world, it just can't keep any of its criminals behind bars!"

"Batman!" shouted Killer Croc from his cell suddenly, shaking the bars violently.

"Shut up, you imbecile!" shouted Edward Nygma. "Some of us blessed with brainpower are trying to think, and we can't concentrate with that racket!"

Croc turned his attention from his cell bars to his cell wall, and began beating a hole large enough for him to grab Nygma through as the guards rushed to tranquilize him.

"Johnny, you can't mention that name in here – you'll start a riot!" muttered Harley, seizing him by the collar and dragging him away.

"That's hardly unusual, my dear," he retorted. "May I give you a lift home?"

She nodded. "In about an hour, if you don't mind waiting in my office. I just have one more session with Pamela."

"Of course, my dear, anything for you," he said, nodding.

She escorted him to her office, kissed him tenderly, and then left. Crane took a seat and reached for the book he had brought with him, but found he couldn't concentrate. Did Jack Napier's escape mean that he or Harley was in danger? That's probably what it would mean if Jack was the Joker, and Jack was obviously very similar to the Joker…

Crane stood up and began pacing the office. Maybe he should take Harley away – maybe they should both just go far away, somewhere exotic, just the two of them, and put Gotham and Jack and the whole unpleasant business behind them. Surely he had time, surely it wasn't too late to make everything all right with Harley…

His eyes fell upon a crumpled piece of paper in the wastebasket. He saw one letter written on it: _J. _

Crane picked it up and unfolded it. It was a note:

_Baby,_

_Crazy for you. Crime Alley. Midnight. _

_- J._

Crane's heart sank. If she was meeting him tonight, he knew it was already too late.


	6. Chapter 6

Crane wasn't asleep that night, but he pretended to be. He lay completely still and breathed softly as Harley rose from bed and began dressing, and then slipped out of the room. Crane dressed hurriedly and followed her out of the apartment and into the streets of Gotham.

He had thought of calling the police and telling them Jack Napier would be at Crime Alley at midnight, but they would only arrest him again and put him back in prison, from which he would easily break out again. It wouldn't change anything between him and Harley. And some vain, foolish hope in him wondered if Harley was meeting Jack to tell him that she wasn't interested, that he should go away and stop pestering her and leave her to be happy with her husband. But the rational, sensible man in him knew that wasn't the case. If she had wanted to tell him that, she just would have ignored the note.

When they reached Crime Alley, Crane saw a man in a trenchcoat standing in the shadows, his face hidden by his fedora, and smoking a cigarette. He noticed Harley and nodded, and then walked to a brownstone building just off the alley. Harley followed him, and Crane followed a fair distance behind them as they entered an apartment on the third floor. Harley shut the door firmly, and Crane crept over to peer into the room through the keyhole.

He saw the man take off the hat and trenchcoat to reveal the smiling face of Jack Napier. And to Crane's horror, Harley threw herself into his arms, kissing his face desperately.

"God, I was so worried, Jack!" she whispered. "Are you all right?"

"Sure, baby, I'm used to being on the run from the law," he replied, shrugging. "This is nothing. But I gotta say, it's great to see you again, toots," he murmured, kissing her deeply. Harley moaned a little in protest, but returned it.

"You like the pad?" he asked.

"Yeah, it's nice," she murmured. "All the comforts of home."

"Yeah. Bathroom, kitchen, bedroom…" he murmured, trailing off. "You wanna see it?" he asked, smiling at her.

She looked at him, and then down at the floor. "Jack, we've been over this," she whispered. "I'm not comfortable with…cheating on my husband…"

"Nah, but you are comfortable playing with another guy," he retorted. "C'mon, baby, we both want it," he whispered, drawing her close. "Why are we denying ourselves?"

"Because I'm a married woman, Jack," she murmured.

"You gonna get a divorce?" he asked.

"I can't hurt Johnny by asking him for that," she replied.

"No, you prefer to hurt me by teasing me like this," he muttered, releasing her. "It ain't right to do that to a guy, toots. Not when he's as crazy about you as I am."

"I thought you were gonna try to understand, Jack," she whispered, tears in her eyes. "I do…care about you. But I care about Johnny too. He's a sweet man, a good man, and I can't hurt him by cheating on him. He don't deserve that. And I got a life with him, a decent life, a good life, a good job. I couldn't hang onto any of that if I got involved with you."

"You happy?" he demanded suddenly.

She was silent. "I asked you a question – answer me," he snapped. "Are you happy?"

"Nah uh," she whispered, shaking her head. "I've never been more unhappy in my life than I am at the moment, trying not to hurt either of you. I just wanna do the right thing, for my husband and for myself. Please try to understand, Jack…"

"I am trying," he retorted, turning away and puffing on his cigarette. "But here's the only thing I understand."

He turned to face her. "You gotta pick him or me, baby," he murmured. "You can't have both. Either divorce him, or tell me we ain't gonna see each other no more. Because what you're trying to do now by being kind to both of us is actually just cruel to both of us. And if you ain't careful, you're gonna end up losing both of us."

"I don't wanna hurt Johnny," whispered Harley, tears trailing down her cheeks. "He's a nice guy…"

"Nice guys finish last, toots," interrupted Jack. "Anyway, you don't want a nice guy, not really. Not deep down. I saw it in your eyes the first time I looked at you – you're a really bad girl. And you want a really bad guy to hurt you until you can't take the pain anymore."

His hands slid slowly up to her throat, tightening. "How does that feel, baby?" he whispered. "Tell me how that feels. The blood pounding through your ears, the panic rising, the fear, the terror, and then…then the bliss, baby. Tell me, Harley, don't it hurt real good?"

"Let…go…Jack," she gasped. "Please."

He obeyed, releasing her throat. She stared at him, breathing heavily and crying as he backed away, smoking again. For a long while, they just looked at each other.

"Tell me what you want me to do, Harley," he muttered. "Tell me you want me, or I'm gonna go."

She didn't respond, just gazed at him with tears in her eyes. He nodded slowly. "Ok, nice meeting you, toots," he murmured, heading for the door. "Have a nice life, Mrs. Crane."

"Jack, stop!" cried Harley, racing after him. She ripped him around and shoved her mouth onto his. "Don't leave me!" she gasped between kisses. "Please don't leave me!"

He shoved her away abruptly. "Nobody tortures me like this, you little bitch!" he hissed, glaring at her. "I should just take you right here, right now, whether you want it or not..."

He suddenly seized her in his arms. "God dammit, Harley!" he gasped, feeling every inch of her body and kissing her wildly. "I can't keep my hands off you, baby! And I can't wait any longer. Tell me you want me!"

"Oh, Jack," she gasped, moaning in pleasure as he caressed her with his lips and hands. "Oh God, Jack! Oh, I do want you! I want you more desperately than I've ever wanted anything in my life! I can't control my attraction to you! But it's wrong, Jack! It's wrong and dirty and I'm married and…oh, Jack!" she exclaimed as he slid a hand up her skirt.

"Well, that's real unfortunate, ain't it, Mrs. Crane?" he murmured, licking her cheek. "Because Daddy J's about to give you a level of pleasure old man Crane could never think of achieving. Because he don't hurt you the way you need to be hurt."

"Jack!" gasped Harley. "Jack, Jack, please!" she gasped as he shoved her down on the floor.

"What?" he murmured.

She gazed up at him. "Please hurt me, baby," she gasped, drawing him down to her. "Hard."

He grinned. "You're such a bad girl, Mrs. Crane," he murmured. "About time you got treated like one."

Crane turned away, heading for the stairs. He didn't want to see any more. But he couldn't help but hear the noises of pleasure Harley was making – they echoed down the hall and down the stairs. Then she suddenly cried out, "Oh Jack! Jack, I love you!"

Crane's heart broke as he left the building, shutting the door. It was over.


	7. Chapter 7

Crane sat at home, nursing a glass of brandy and considering what he should do. The decent thing of course would be to confront Harley when she got back, tell her he knew all about her and Jack, and that if she wanted a divorce, he would give her one. If Jack made her happy, that was his only concern. Harley would be so grateful, and she would thank him, and then she would leave him alone. But he would have done the right thing. It was the noble thing to do.

Crane downed the glass. But he was tired of being noble. He was noble enough in actual reality, and as he had said to Jervis, he'd be leaving this world soon. He wasn't going to be pushed around in a creation of his own mind. He was going to be firm and strong and assertive. That was the kind of brute Harley liked anyway – if he was cruel and heartless, he might actually win her back.

Resolving himself, he stood up, heading over to a chest in his study and taking something out. Then he left the apartment and headed back to Crime Alley.

He knocked firmly on the door to Jack's apartment. He answered it a moment later, dressed in his undershirt and smoking a cigarette. He grinned as he saw Crane.

"Professor. To what do I owe the honor?" he asked, blowing a cloud of smoke in his face.

"I'd like to talk to you about my wife," muttered Crane

Jack's grin widened. "What about her?" he asked, inhaling from his cigarette.

"I want you to stay away from her in the future," said Crane, calmly. "You're not married to her, and you have no right to her. She's mine this time, and I intend to keep her. You will not be seeing her again."

"That so?" said Jack, smiling. "Well, I think we'd better leave it up to Harley to decide who she wants to be with, Professor."

"This is your only warning," he said. "I will kill you if you come near her again."

"Don't threaten me, Professor," retorted Jack, scornfully. "I've killed more people than you've read books, so don't make me add you to the list. Gotta say, though, it would be a pleasure killing you, since it would free Harley without making her go through all the trouble of the divorce courts. Murder is so much quicker than the legal system," he chuckled.

"You always think you're so terribly funny, don't you?" demanded Crane. "But you're not funny, you know. You're just destructive and evil, causing chaos and misery, and destroying happiness. Why couldn't you just leave us alone?"

"Because Harley deserves better than being stuck in a dead-end marriage to some nerdy loser," retorted Jack. "She's a special dame. She deserves a special guy."

"Is Harley still with you?" asked Crane.

"Maybe," retorted Jack, exhaling his cigarette into his face again.

"If she is, could you kindly fetch her and tell her that her husband is here to take her home?" continued Crane.

Jack laughed. "Why doncha tell her yourself, Professor?" he asked, holding open the door. "Harley!" he called.

"What is it, puddin'…" she asked, leaving the bathroom. She froze in shock and horror to see Crane standing there.

"J…Johnny," she stammered. "What are you doing here?"

"Didn't expect to see me, my dear?" asked Crane, calmly. "Well, when you wake up in the middle of the night without your wife in bed next to you, you begin to worry for her wellbeing."

"Johnny, it's…" she began, but he held up his hand.

"There is no need to lie to me, my dear," he murmured. "I know you are having an affair with Mr. Napier, but it is over now. You're coming home with me and we'll say no more about it. We will both forget all about it and never mention it again. I will even refrain from informing the police of Mr. Napier's whereabouts, which I feel is more than generous, considering the circumstances."

"I…I can't do that, Johnny," stammered Harley. "Please try to understand…I love him."

Crane just looked back at her. "Be that as it may, you are my wife," he said coldly. "You are married to me. I cannot help that your affections have changed, but you made me a promise not to part with me until the day you die. I will not allow you to break that promise, Harley. Now come home with me and we'll forget all this nonsense."

Jack laughed. "Could ya really live with her after this, Professor?" he chuckled. "When you know that every time you're with her, it's me she'll be thinking about? When you know she'll be wishing it was me pounding her? By the way, I had to widen her out a little down there to fit in – guess I'm a lot bigger than you…"

"Jack, stop it!" cried Harley. "Stop trying to hurt him!"

"Why? Cause he's a nice guy?" demanded Jack. "You're mine now, baby, and I ain't gonna let no boring, lame loser take you away from me! Ain't you heard that nice guys finish last, Professor?" he sneered at Crane.

It was the final straw. Crane pulled out the gun and fired six rounds into Jack's chest. "I am not a nice guy," he muttered as Jack's body fell to the ground.

Harley screamed, falling to her knees and clasping Jack's body desperately. "Jack!" she cried. "Jack, no! Oh God, no!"

She sobbed in agony as Crane calmly replaced the gun in his pocket, and held out his hand to Harley. "Time to go home, I think, my dear," he murmured.

"You ain't my husband!" she shrieked. "The Johnny Crane I married would never have killed a guy!"

"He just did, my dear," replied Crane. "And you cannot say he was not provoked. I do not blame you, Harley. I do not blame anyone but the monster. And he is dead now. So perhaps finally we can be happy together."

"You killed the man I love!" gasped Harley. "I won't ever be happy again!"

"Then we will both be miserable together," retorted Crane. "But at least we will be together. I had to do it, Harley, don't you understand? I had to do it for both of us. I couldn't lose you to him. Not again."

She stared at him. "You have lost me, Johnny," she murmured. "I'm not staying with the man who killed my love. Maybe you should just kill me too. I hear it gets easier each time you do it, and I ain't got nothing to live for anymore."

She reached for the gun and handed it to him. "Go on, Johnny," she murmured.

He pulled the trigger, and the gun clicked. "I'm out of bullets," he retorted. "And I would never hurt you, Harley. I am not so mad as to kill the woman I love."

"I will call the police," she murmured. "It would be better to kill me."

"No, my dear, it would be better for me to be locked up with a clear conscience," he retorted. "You don't realize it now, but I have done a good deed. No else would ever do it - only I had the courage to save you. But then perhaps heroes often go unthanked for their services – look at Batman. Anyway, when I am behind bars, it will be pleasant for me to remember that, for a brief moment in unreality, I was a hero. I will never be so again."

He turned without another word and left her sobbing over Jack's body.


	8. Chapter 8

"I just thought you should know that I won't be working here anymore," murmured Harley through the bars of the cell in Arkham Asylum. "I'm leaving Gotham."

"Where are you going?" asked Crane.

"I won't tell you that – I don't ever want you to find me," she replied. "Every time I look at you, I'm reminded of what you've done. I can't see you again, Johnny."

"I understand," he murmured. "Well…I do wish you every possible happiness for the future, Harley. You must believe that. I've only ever loved you."

"I do believe that, Johnny," she murmured. "And I wish I could love you in return. But I can't anymore."

"At least you're safe from him," said Crane. "At least you can be happy now…"

"Do I look happy, Johnny?" she interrupted.

He stared at her pale face, and lifeless eyes red from crying. "No," he murmured.

"No," she agreed. She just looked at him for a few moments, and then turned away. "Goodbye, Johnny," she whispered. And then she was gone.

Crane watched her until she disappeared from the cell block, and then moved away from the bars, sitting down and looking around the cell. "Home, sweet home," he sighed, gloomily.

"Cup of tea?" said a voice.

Crane turned to see Jervis Tetch smiling at him, and holding a cup of tea through the bars of the neighboring cell. "It helps, believe me."

"Thank you," said Crane, taking it from him.

"How did the attempted murder go?" asked Tetch. "Are you locked in here because you were successful, or unsuccessful?"

"Successful," replied Crane. "And now Harley refuses to see me again."

"Ah. I suspected something of the kind would happen if I succeeded in killing Alice's fiance," said Tetch, nodding. "But I decided it was worth my perpetual unhappiness to rid the child of the horrible brute. At least I would have saved her, if not myself."

"Well, that's the annoying thing about heroics, Jervis," sighed Crane. "Sometimes people do not wish to be saved. Sometimes they love the chains which bind them, and resent you for freeing them."

"And they call us mad," sighed Tetch. Crane sipped his tea in silence. "Still, I'm sure you'll grow to like it here," said Tetch, cheerfully. "Most of the inmates are very kind."

"Yes, I imagine without the Joker to constantly annoy everyone, this is a fairly pleasant place to be," said Crane. "As good as any other."

"Without whom?" asked Tetch, puzzled.

"Never mind," replied Crane.

"And anyway, you won't be in here very long," continued Tetch. "You'll wake up soon and return to reality, won't you? And all of this will disappear."

"Yes," agreed Crane. "But I'll still be in Arkham when I wake up. Only the…man I killed will be alive. And…Harley will be happy, in her own way. So I suppose it's all for the best."

He sighed. "There's a lesson here, Jervis," he murmured. "Many things might be, but only some things are. And perhaps it's for the best that the things that are remain the things that are."

"A very admirable philosophy," agreed Tetch. "Do you like the tea? It's a special blend of mine."

"It's very good," replied Crane.

"It's a shame that all my skill in tea making is for naught, since I shall disappear when you wake up," sighed Tetch. "But then one cannot fight things like unreality and non-existence, Jonathan."

"No," agreed Crane. "I don't suppose one can."

"No, when one realizes one is merely a figment in somebody's imagination, one had better just accept it and carry on as best he can," continued Tetch. "No use in crying, you know. You won't make yourself a bit realer by crying. Nothing we can do to change it. I wonder if I shall realize when you wake up, or if I shall just disappear. Or perhaps you shall just disappear, and I shall be talking to thin air. People would think me mad, wouldn't they, Jonathan?"

Crane was about to respond when suddenly there was a blinding flash of light, and he awoke to see the Joker holding Tetch's hat, which he abruptly smashed.

"Honestly, Hatty, how many of these do I have to break before you learn your lesson?" he demanded, rounding on Tetch. "Stop sticking people in unreality! It's creepy!"

"You feeling ok, Johnny?" asked Harley Quinn. Crane looked at her, slowly realizing that he had returned to reality.

"Oh…yes, I'm fine, Harley," he said, slowly. "It's wonderful to see you…looking like your old, happy self."

Harley beamed. "Well, that's 'cause I got my loving Mr. J to put a smile on my face, huh, puddin'?" she asked, grinning at Joker.

Joker was too busy punching Tetch repeatedly, whom he had in a headlock, to respond. Harley rushed to save him. "So how was the other side, Johnny?" asked Joker, punching Tetch once more and turning to smile at Crane. "When I used old Tetchy's simulator thing, I realized I was even more amazing than I had originally thought. I bet you learned you were even more of a loser than you originally thought, huh?"

"Something along those lines, yes," retorted Crane.

"Well, we can't change who we are, Johnny!" chuckled Joker. "You're a loser, and you'll always be a loser, so you might as well make the best of it."

He clapped him on the back and then left the cell. "Glad you're back, Johnny," said Harley, smiling at him. "You were in that thing a couple days, y'know, and we missed you."

"We?" repeated Crane.

"I'm sure Mr. J did too," said Harley, slowly. "But I definitely did. Maybe if you're free this evening I can read to you or something? You probably get bored just sitting by yourself so much, huh?"

"Oh…yes, Harley, that would be wonderful," he murmured.

She smiled and kissed his cheek. "It's a date, then! See you later, Johnny!"

She skipped off after Joker. "Are you all right, Jervis?" asked Crane, as Tetch slowly straightened up.

"Yes," muttered Tetch. "I don't mind him beating me up, but I wish the brute wouldn't destroy my work like that," he sighed, picking up the broken pieces of the hat. "Anyway, I'm sorry, Jonathan, but there's no sending you back there now. Not for a while anyway."

"That's quite all right, Jervis, I have no wish to go back," replied Crane. "That reality is hardly better than this one – in fact, in many respects, it's a great deal worse."

"I'm relieved to hear it," said Tetch. "It would have been difficult to lose you, Jonathan."

He threw down the pieces of the broken hat with a sigh. "Well, I'm going to make a cup of tea. Would you like one?"

"Yes, please," said Crane. Tetch turned to go. "Jervis?" called Crane suddenly.

He turned. "A lot of things…went very wrong for me in that reality," murmured Crane. "But in the end…you were always there for me. That's good to know. That no matter which reality I'm in, you're always there for me."

"Well, what are friends for?" asked Tetch, shrugging. "Assam or Earl Grey?"

"Earl Grey," replied Crane.

"Back in a moment," said Tetch, and he hurried off down the hall.

**The End**


End file.
